After long discussions and lots of praying Brint and I have decided to go through with doing an IVF (In Vitro Fertilization). We went in last week to have our initial consultation with our doctor and learn all about the process. I will admit I left feeling like there was a lot more clarity as to how the body works and I truly think that these doctors and scientist that have helped evolve this process are just brilliant. However, I also left feeling a little overwhelmed and sad. At first I was just excited, excited that we are potentially one step closer to having a baby of our own. Closer to becoming parents. Then as the discussion sank in a little more and I got to thinking all about what we learn and what we are about to embark, I became instantly sad. I wish I could explain in words the way my heart feels every time I think about our situation. I know that I need to keep my mind uplifted and positive, but someday's it's so hard. I am constantly surrounded by friends and family that are announcing that they are pregnant with their 1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc. Sometimes I just want to completely shut off my connection to the outside world. I just don't want to know. But I know that I can't do that. I don't really want to do that. I truly am happy for all of those couples that are more fortunate than I. What keeps me going is knowing that one day that will be me. I will be the one announcing that we're pregnant. I will be the one that has an adorable baby bump. I will be the one complaining that I'm sick, or fat, or my feet are swollen, or that I'm tired because my beautiful baby will have kept me up all night because of an upset tummy.
One day, that will be ME!
Knowing that I will be there one day is what keeps me going when all I want to do is give up.
